Eugene Morris Jerome – A normal 15 year old boy who has recently discovered girls in a BIG way. He is obsessed with the female anatomy, which he’s never seen, and his other love of baseball. He wants to be a baseball player, but if that does not work out, he’ll settle for being a writer. He keeps a detailed journal of his family’s eccentricities. Eugene is concerned for his family, especially his overworked father, but complains about their demands on him. The play revolves around his memoirs, which are those of the young Neil Simon.
Stanley Jerome – 18-21 years old – He is the older brother of Eugene. Due to financial reasons, must work a factory job, which he hates. He tries to temper Eugene’s passions while attempting to please his parents, but he struggles with feelings of being trapped.
Jack Jerome – late 40’s – Father of the Jerome family who feels the pressure of supporting an extended family by working two jobs. In addition, all family members turn to him for advice and answers. He is patient, but very weary.
Kate Jerome – mid 40’s – She is the very strong mother who attempts to hold the family together and solve the hurts and problems of all of them. She is opinionated and very verbal, but also very loving.
Aunt Blanche – early 40’s – She is Kate’s younger sister, recently widowed, very indecisive, and dependent. She wants to have a life for herself and her daughters, but she does not know how or where to begin. She feels buried with her husband.
Nora – daughter of Blanche, Cousin to the Jerome boys – She is a very beautiful and ambitious 16 year old girl with dreams of Broadway. She is often resentful of her younger sister who is pampered due to heart flutters. In addition, she is angry at her father for dying and leaving her with a weak mother.
Laurie – daughter of Blanche, Cousin to the Jerome boys- She is a studious, yet quietly mischievous, 13 year old who is all ears around the adult situations. She appears innocent, but she really has a grasp on what the others around her are “up to.”